That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
