I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize