you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
