Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
