Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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