He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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