proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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