So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
