drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
