i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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