Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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