I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
