I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
