You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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