We're facebook friends in real life
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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