I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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