How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Be still, my beating vagina.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
