I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
