worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Can you bring me the toilet please
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
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