You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize