Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
