xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
True strength comes from lack of pants
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
