she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
i out mim tonsoeep
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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