Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
