Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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