And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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