You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
