i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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