Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
