Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Randomize
