tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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