I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
As shirtless as possible
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
