i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
