If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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