You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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