Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
