Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Randomize