Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
