it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
