she woke up with a sticky ear
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Randomize
