i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
did you just send me my own nude
Why can't burritos get me drunk
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
