Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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