Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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