The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
