so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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