I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
