I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I just gift wrapped bread.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Randomize
