Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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