I puked a lego.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
