I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
