I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
