remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
