Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
