Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Redeem this text for a blowjob
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
the gays at disneyland are vicious
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
