He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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