I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
