Who wears a wallet chain?!
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize