Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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