I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I skipped work to stalk him.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Randomize
