The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
