Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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