I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
