hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
