I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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