i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
