you guys were way drunker than both of me
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I need a beard to bite.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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