I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
