and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
