That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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